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"The Onion Movie (Raw & Uncut)"

A quiet, direct-to-DVD release of "the finest news source" in the world.

Norm Archer reporting Obese Americans
The pictures of this DVD is not a bootleg whatsoever, as you've landed on the network-approved review: The Onion Movie! Being that this snuck through the rug, not even my fellow movie buffs knew about the release of this film. However, they do know about the popular and hilarious satirical website The Onion, as do I, let alone most of you, and this is their shot producing a full-motion feature film.

Okay....now for the review. As much as I love to talk about it, mentioning the funny parts of the film is enough to spoil it. Does that mean it's bad? Not at all. I'll get it out of the way: This film is perfect for those who love dark humor and offensive comedy with profanity. I didn't care because I sure as heck laughed a lot! This film was released, on DVD, in 2008. The story behind the release of this film involved folks behind the idea of the movie backing out, thus directing this movie straight to DVD release. Maybe that's why not very many people know about this movie (now you do, thanks to this review!).
State of Georgia's new state flag

The film gives the feel that you're watching a cable news channel, filled with its own [hilarious] informercials, movie trailers and stupidly funny news reports which The Onion is known for. Interspersed with those scenes are the actual acting, where reporter Norm Archer feels the pressure when he has to plug in a promotion to entice sponsors for their news show. Not too bad, but this movie has enough shock, jaw-dropping jokes and O-M-G moments that's guaranteed to raise eyebrows or get you off your seat.

Melissa Cherry's 'Lollipop Love' music video
Again, I really want to tell you the parts of the movie, but it'll kill the mystique of the punchlines done. Instead, I'll say this: The film makes fun of and jokes about bubble gum pop stars, CompUSA, racial profiling, terrorism, drug addicts, family values and celebrity roasting, to name some. The deleted scenes and outtakes are hilarious but unbelievable. There's this nun that....oh crap, almost mentioned it.Melissa Cherry bubble bath

What else more can I say? Even though I'm not much for dark comedy, I still laughed and enjoyed this movie. Films like this need to flourish, given that we currently live in a society that gets butthurt over the littlest things. Even so, when a picture/video is taken, some bored individual misinterprets that medium, speaks their minds out and say how unjust and unethical it is. Why? Not everything is meant to be taken in the wrong context. There are times where we just live and let live, and if it doesn't involve you, don't butt in to someone else's business.

Having said that, this makes the perfect film to make SJWs—Social Justice Warriors—crap their pants and make their heads explode. That's how wildly offensive and dark this movie is. When I thought about that, the more I felt good watching this. I miss the times when comedians, writers and actors did their thing and we all had a good laugh, then moved on with our lives. Nowadays it's watching what you say, do or post because it'll get recorded, making the perfect fodder for memes via screenshots, while the creator/author receives endless belittling from the Internet. When were SJWs allowed to use the Internet and have a voice where we take in their commands behind their protests/boycotting? Hint: They shouldn't. All that was the sole reason why I wanted to watch and review this movie on our website.

Don't believe me, huh? Ready to condemn this movie as super, mega offensive to the point where everyone is shocked by the nature of the film's dialogue? Let me share a couple of quotes from the movie, which I liked most:

"You know, man, violence is almost never necessary. I admit, I've punched thousands upon thousands of cocks in my life, but I've never killed anyone. Because no matter what your religion might be, no matter what your politics might be, no matter how much money is involved, there's never any reason to take human life. Human life is the most precious thing there is."
— Steven Seagal

"As a matter of fact, I think we've all learned a few things in the past 90 minutes. We've learned that Irishmen have huge nipples; We've learned that film critic intellectuals are a bunch of gaywads. And most of all, we've learned that creeping corporate influence over the news...protects us from terrorism."
— Norm Archer

Commercial for Kostman's The Penis People
While I mentioned that there isn't much of a deep meaning behind this movie, the statement Norm Archer was trying to make is sometimes, we just need a good laugh to deter us away from the harsh, pessimism reported by the media. Granted, not everyone will find this movie funny, but nevertheless, a good laugh should suffice to get you through. Nobody likes drama....and SJWs.

Now that you, the viewers and fans, know about this film, GO CHECK IT OUT! We need this film to get recognized and puncture through the sensitive yet illogical actors, producers and critics who think their opinion(s), and suggestions for a "good" movie, matters. Keep planning those strikes, protesting in demand for higher pays from network executives. I want to see this film get known to the masses.

When it does, I want to lay down my ideas related to this film:
- Record a "React Video" when watching this movie, especially showing this film to thin-skinned individuals you might know.
- Create offensive memes from this film to torment the unsuspecting online user (nothing new, but I wrote it here as a reminder).
- Popular film reviewers on YouTube, like Cinemassacre, to take a shot and review this film.
- Since a lot has happened between 2008 up to this year, 2017, hope that The Onion will produce a second movie.

(I'm not kidding about the producing of a second movie. Make it a sequel or prequel, it doesn't matter, just keep the dark and offensive humor with it.)

This is one of the few films that I'm absolutely sure networks like Comedy Central and HBO wouldn't have the guts to air. The executives of various networks, who I'm sure are reading this since you people in the entertainment industry seem to be intrigued by what I've managed to have and talk about here on this website, fear about the response from viewers and the likelihood of a boycott against their broadcasts if they air this movie. Why is that? Easy: today's people are too sensitive and create controversial issues out of nothing. That doesn't say much since this movie is entitled, and guaranteed, to shock and offend. However, it's a movie—a comedy movie. You don't have to watch it if you don't want.
Michael Bolton!

Will saying that go anywhere? Yes. Why? There's one scene featured here that I forgot to mention, where the writers dared to tackle making fun of: rape. Yes, this movie makes a rib-breaking scene joking about rape. While many comedians admit and confessed finding middle ground when it comes to racist jokes, political jokes and inappropriate sexual reenactments (say hi to Andrew "Dice" Clay, everyone), very few comedians in the business have sort of struggled making an audience laugh when it comes to rape jokes. That was why I mentioned SJWs, and mentioning network executives unable to add this film to their line-ups because of that very scene. You be the judge for that.

Because this film has enough to make the unaware majority drop to their knees, I still found it amazingly funny. The plot isn't much, but this movie caters to something that's pure dark comedy. It doesn't matter cause I still laughed. My favorite happens to be how the film joked about CompUSA, especially back in the days when buying a computer was a complete pain.

Make this movie known and spread the word! I truly recommend this film!





  • Hilarious all-throughout.
  • A perfect example beautifying offensive comedy.
  • Very offensive by today's standards (that's a good thing).
  • From Britney Spears to racist jokes, this movie took a stab at nearly every area they can make fun of.
  • Deleted scenes are crazy.
  • The rape scene was dry, but unfunny.
  • No talks of a second film.
100% (A+)
Fan Rating
Title The Onion Movie
Description Revealing the raw truth.



The Onion invades DVD! Based on the wildly popular newspaper hailed by The New Yorker as "the funniest publication in the United States," The Onion Movie brings you uncensored, uninhibited, UNRATED news and views from around the world.

In a stunning development, when Onion News anchorman Norm Archer (Len Cariou) is asked to compromise his journalistic integrity to please a new corporate sponsor, he doesn't just get mad, he gets...angry. Taking aim at pop stars, prisoners, peace talks and, of course, high-testosterone action films, The Onion Movie delivers hard-hitting headlines — and side-splitting laughs!
ISBN / Bar Code number 0 24543 81440 5
Video Format 1.78:1 (16:9) / Wide screen
Audio Format Stereo
Disc Count One (1)
Language(s) English
Genre Comedy / Satire
Subtitles English, Spanish, French
Rated Not Rated
Region Region 1 - NTSC
Specification Color
Features [MAIN MENU]: (1. Play, 2. Language Selection, 3. Scene Selection, 4. Special Features), [PLAY], [LANGUAGE SELECTION]: (English 5.1 Dolby Surround, Spanish Dolby Surround, {SUBTITLES} English, Spanish, French, None.), [SCENE SELECTION]: (1. Headlines, 2. Armed Gunman, 3. Melissa Cherry, 4. Synergy.), (5. Stereotypes, 6. Reviews, 7. Party Games, 8. More Headlines), (9. Computer Upgrade, 10. High On Life, 11. Corporate Influence, 12. Images), (13. Proteus, 14. The News Goes On, 15. Inspirational Portrait, 16. Unexpected Role), (17. Showdown, 18. Intruders, 19. Happy Ending, 20. Outtakes/End Titles), [SPECIAL FEATURES]: (1. Deleted Scenes, 2. Outtakes. {TRAILERS} The Darjeeling Limited, Burn Notice, Futurama: The Beast With A Billion Backs)
Production Regency Entertainment (USA), Inc., Monarchy Enterprises, Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment LLC
Company Regency Entertainment (USA), Inc., Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment LLC
Item / Product Number ????
Closed Captioning Yes
DVD Release June 3, 2008
Run Time 80 minutes. Intro - 00:08, Main Menu - 00:19, Scene Selection Menu - 00:02, Special Features Menu - 00:01, 20th FOX Century graphic - 00:10, FBI Warning clip - 00:07, Feature Presentation - 1:20:16, Deluxe® graphic - 00:14, Deleted Scenes - 09:29, Outtakes - 03:34, The Darjeeling Limited trailer - 02:16, Burn Notice - 00:33, Futurama: The Beast With A Billion Backs - 01:03

Total DVD time: 1:38:12
Copyright © 2008 Regency Entertainment (USA), Inc. in the U.S. only.
© 2008 Monarchy Enterprises S.a.r.l. in all other territories. All Rights Reserved.
© 2008 Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment LLC. All Rights Reserved.

TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX, FOX and associated logos are trademarks of Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation and its related entities. Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, P.O. Box 900, Beverly Hills, CA 90213-0900. For distribution only in the United States, its possessions and Canada. PRINTED IN U.S.A.
Other Formats Digital, Amazon Prime
Quoted Reviews "A hilarious combination of sketch and satire..."
— Christopher Monfette, IGN DVD
Other Dolby and double-D symbol are registered trademarks of Dolby Laboratories.


Dolby Digital soundtracks contain up to 5.1 channels of discrete audio. Dolby Surround soundtracks contain up to 4 channels of encoded audio. Playback from 2-channel DVD outputs is compatible with stereo and Dolby Pro Logic production.

The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyright work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000.
Directed by
James Kleiner

Written by
Todd Hanson
& Robert Siegel

Produced by
Gil Netter
David Miner
David Zucker
Michael Rotenberg

Executive Producers
Sean Mills
Scott Dikkers

Director of Photography
Maryse Alberti

Production Designer
Jon Gary Steele

Edited by
Frederick Wardell

Costume Designer
Casey Storm

Jason Weiss
Kevin Halloran

Music by
Asche & Spencer

Casting by
Kim Davis-Wagner
& Justine Baddeley

A Zucker/Netter Productions/

Young American / Cock Puncher     Daniel Chacon
Sensei    Ken Takemoto
Cock Puncher    Steven Seagal
Dennis McCormick    Don McManus
Dolores McCormick    Kate Fuglei
Roseanne McCormick    Abigail Mavity
Dennis McCormick, Jr.    Reid Weaver
Typical Neighbor Husband    Brian Powell
Typical Neighbor Wife    Adele Robbins
Sooty Firefighter    Jason L. Miller
Sooty Child    Brendon Baerg
Norm Archer    Len Cariou
Dana Dobbs    Larissa Laskin
Kip Kendall    Scott Klace
Alzheimers Old Lady    Barbara Pilavin
Alzheimers Guys in Crowd    Sandy Kenyon / Sam Menning
Producers    Orlando Seale / Erik Stolhanske
Melissa Cherry    Sarah McElligott
Michael Bolton    Michael Bolton
African Child    Karl Montgomery, Jr.
Dibo    Kwame Boateng
White Trash Dude    Steven Kozlowski
Surgeon General    Randy Oglesby
Fat Man    Archie J. Howard
Smoker    Howard Shur
Smoker Driver    Todd Hanson
Bud Schwartz    Arthur Kendall
Brunno Tucci    Ira Gewant
Rolly Ingersoll    Christopher Weeks
Skink Bradley    Edward Ansara
Raggles Wimpole    Murray Gershenz
Uncle Smackers    Mousie Garner
Mavis De Haven    Helen Geller
Kenneth Garber    Richard Fancy
Nicholas Van Essen    Bill Frenzer
Raymond Marcus    Murphy Dunne
The Masses    Alex Solowitz
Rapist Lisa    Savannah Haske
Rapist Policeman    Griffin M. Creech
Rapist Ivy Leaguer    Daniel Dae Kim
Rapist Uncle    Stefan Sacks
Rape Victim Julie    Rebecca Lowman
Rape Game Woman    Amy Davies
Steel Beam Construction Guy    John Gibson Miller
Steel Beam Architect    Jim Gleason
Dutch Dad    Ben Braat
Peruvians    Sal Lopez / Jay Montalvo
Arab Terrorist    Bashar Rahal
Young Terrorist    Russell Steinberg
Ahmed    Ahmed Ahmed
Ahman    Amir Talai
White Black Guy Bill    Ryan Bosch
White Black Guy Jenny    Leslie Duke
White Black Guy Tim    Brendan Fletcher
White Black Guy Dan    Todd Bosley
White Black Guy Policemen    Mike Brainard / Dane Farwell
White Black Guy Judge    Mary Boucher
White Black Guy Jury Foreman    Chris Karwowski
Pentagon Generals    Michael Harte / Charles Howerton
Pentagon Officer    James Kayten
Landmine Salesman    Sean Conroy
Landmine Boss    Christopher Boyer
Recruitment Officer    S.E. Perry
Line-Up Detective    Michael J. Harney
Prisoners    Alonzo Bodden / Gill Gayle
Prisoner Dad    Robert Shampain
Girl Greeting Prisoner    Jordan Lindsay Hamm
Kwame Roberts    Tom Wright
James Nakatami    Gedde Watanabe
Dashante Jackson    Troy L. Collins
McSorley's Bartender    Daniel Colembie
Upsatnding Black Man    Marc Antonio Pritchett
Dave Kostman    Jerry Giles
Peen-Out Guy    John Viener
Library Penis Man    Mike Loew
Penis Pal Glen    David Chisum
Penis Ethnic Man    Martin Morales
Penis Boy    Micah Sauers
Penis Businessman    Michael R. Dowell
Asian Businessman    Ken Narasaki
Bates Computer Customer    Clint Culp
Bates Computer Salesman Dirk    Paul Scheer
Bates Computer Customer's Wife    Maria Schneider
Bates Temp Dude    Dustin Seavey
Bates Businessman    Bill Dearth
Bates Delivery Man    Z.G. Harris
Bates Manager    James Michael Connor
Gil Bates    Michael Delaney
Bryce Brand    Nick Chinlund
Bryce's Manager    Jim Rash
Porn Stars    Angel Cassidy / Mia Crowe / Gauge
Brendan Laroux    Kirk Ward
Studio Executive    Eric Siegal
Cooking Show Host    Jen Cohn
Cooking Show Chef    Meredith Baxter
Wizards Gamers    Charles Beil / Dan Benson / Adam Crosby
Wizards Proteus    Jed Rees
Wizards Dragonmaster    Greg Pitts
Hippie Diplomat    Greg Cipes
Men In Suits    William Duffy / Cory McAbee
Slovesevic    Eugene Lazarev
Birajko    Adam Gregor
Bank Gunman    Terrence Flack
Second Bank Gunman    Mō
Bank Customer    Sarah Devincentis
Bank Liz Anne    Michele Buffone
Bank Mr. Poniewicz    Jim Ortlieb
Gay Guys    Cory Nartatez / Savastion Padilla / Bruce Stevenson / Christopher Villa
Presidential Advisor    Kenneth C. Rosier
Rodney Dangerfield    Rodney Dangerfield
Subscription Card Man    Ivan Klipstein
Little Girl    Hanna Bluth
Mother    Jennifer Saurenman
Cockpuncher Entourage    Tanya Ballinger / Kamela Forbes / Neva Massey / Eleanor Mercado / Karen Miller / Rachelle Wood
Cameraman    André Costa
God Bless America Dancers    Destiny Lightsy / Michon Suyama

Melissa Cherry Video Dancers:
Vaitiare Au-Harehoe    Brandy Lamkin
Kato Bonner    Clifford McGhee
Allison Kyler    Tomasina Parrott

Lollipop Love Dancers:
Adrian Armas    Lucas Raynaud
Kevin Federline    Dave Scott
Danté Harper    Harry Shum, Jr.
Robert James Hoffman III

Stunt Coordinator    Keith Adams

Utility Stunts:
Michael Alvarado    Paul Lane
Randall Archer    Dan Lemieux
Daniel Arrias    Rob Mars
Richard Burden    Noon Orsatti
Jeff Cadiente    Andrew Palmer
Eugene Collier    Jeff Podgurski
Martez Covington    Matt Rugetti
Jonathan Eusebio    Spencer Sano
Jeffrey R. Evans    Pavel Soukarev
Eddie Fernandez    Ryan Staats
Dan Flannigan    Ronn Surels
Charles Grisham    Steve Upton
Jeff Imada    Xuyen "Sam" Valdivia
Dennis Keiffer    David Wald
Hubie Kerns, Jr.    William Washington
Henry M. Kingi, Jr.    Thom Williams
Hiro Koda    Marcus Young
Theo Kypri

Unit Production Manager
Kevin Halloran

First Assistant Director
William Paul Clark

Second Assistant Director
Marcei Brubaker Brown

Second Second Assistant Director
Marisa Maui

Production Supervisor
Kimberly L. Rach

Art Director
Kevin Kavanaugh

Set Director
Ronald R. Reiss

Production Coordinators
Cheryl A. Miller
Daniel Mondschain

Production Accountant
Doris Hellmann

First Assistant Accountant
Theodore Davila

Second Assistant Accountant
Alicia Pritchett

Payroll Accountant
Jill Hahn

Camera Operator
Henry Cline

First Assistant Camera
Jeff Lorenz

Second Assistant Camera
Matthew Haskins

Kia M. Dawson

Still Photographer
Ben Kaller

Sound Mixer
David Obermeyer

Boom Person
Ronald L. Wright

Cable Person
Jason Johnston

Set Designer
William A. Taliaferro

William S. Maxwell III

Graphics Designer
Clint Schultz

On-Set Dresser
Cebolla Verde

Set Dressers
Ruben Abarca
Michael Hansen
James F. Husband
Robert Jones
Bruce Luizzi
Michael R. Sunga

Production Secretary
Talithia D. Miles

Sara Gardner-Gail
Robyn Holmes

Property Master
Todd Walla Walla

Assistant Property Masters
Little Red
Red Scallion

Script Supervisor
Karen Golden

Len Levine

Rigging Gaffer
Craig A. Brink

Best Boy Electric
Brian Evans

Company Electricians
Anthony Donati
Sean Ginn
Micahel W. Lowrance
Brent Studler

Key Grip
J. Steve Iriguchi

Best Boy Grip
Ty Suehiro

Dolly Grip
Andre Costa

Company Grips
Kat Bueno
Steven Guerrero
Hugh McCallum

Costume Supervisor
Stacy M. Horn

Key Costumer
Jennifer Parker-Stanton

Set Costumers
Jee Ok
Carol Quiroz

Department Head Make-Up
Debbie Zoller

Key Makeup Artist
Debra Schrey

Special Effects Make-Up
Greg Nicotero
KNB Effects

Department Head Hair
Laine Trzinski

Key Hair Stylist
Dena Fayne

Additional Hair Stylist
Michelle Elam

Location Manager
Briana Burke

Key Assistant Location Manager
John Strahm

Assistant Location Manager
Richard DiPatri

Location Scout
Karen E. Gilbert

Art Department Coordinator
Tracy Gaydos

Special Effects Supervisor
Mark Beyers

Special Effects General Foreman
Morgan Guynes

Special Effects Shop Foreman
Tim Walkey

Special Effects Artists
Charles Benardinelli
Werner Hahnlein
Matt Prosser

Construction Coordinator
Gary A. Krakoff

Construction Foreman
Marco A. Campos

Paint Foreman
Sharleen "Charlie" Bright

Labor Foreman
Jack Laspada

Production Assistants
Emily Aaronson
Kyle Cookmeyer
Erin Forrest
Drue L. Powell
Gerald A. Vitatoe, Jr.
Robin E. Wyatt

Art Department Production Assistant
Kevin Loo

Assistant to Mr. Netter
Tom Carstens

Assistant to Mr. Miner
Greg Walter

Assistant to Mr. Zucker
Phil Dornfeld

Assistant to Mr. Rotenberg
Tucker Voorheer

Assistant to Mr. Halloran
Kris Lahd

Set Medic
Anthony Woods

Construction Medic
Herach Arzounian, RN

Casting Associate
Cate Engel

Extras Casting by
Kelly Hunt
Rich King

Unit Publicist
Erik Bright -
Eddie Michaels & Assoc.

Video Assist Operator
Jesse Olivares

Transportation Captain
Kirk Huston

Transportation Co-Captain
Angel De Santi

Transportation Coordinator
Geno Hart

Dave Scott

Research Consultant
Ashley Kravitz

Mario's Catering

Craft Service
Chance Tassone

Animals Provided by
Hollywood Animals

Post Production Supervisor
Bradley M. Goodman

Post Production Assistant
Joanne Yarrow

Additional Editor
Kent Beyda

Assistant Editor
Eric Osmond

Apprentice Editors
David Bilow
Mike Struk

Sound Designer / Re-Recording Mixer
Dave John West

Supervising Sound Editor / Sound FX Editor
Clancy Troutman

Post Production Sound Services By
Ares Enterprises, Inc.

Re-Recording Mixer
Donald Lyles

Chief Engineer
John Rotondi

Re-Recording Facilities
Digital Dreams Sound
Wow & Flutter

ADR Supervisor / Dialogue Editor
Trevor Jolly

ADR Mixer
Doug Latislaw

ADR Editor / Dialogue Editor
Darrel Hanzalik

ADR Facility
Monkeyland Audio, Inc.

Foley Re-Recording Mixer
Christopher Briles, MPSE

Foley Artist
Michael Brown

Post Sound Coordinator
Tanya Barling

Loop Group
The Walkie Talkies

Music Editors
Michael Dittrick
Avital Korin

Scoring Recordists and Mixers
Alex Oana
Alan Omerovic

Ashe & Spencer
Tommy Barbarella    Thomas Scott
Chris Beaty    Thad Spencer
Ryan Dodge    Janell Vircks
Greg Herzenach    Richard Werbowenko
Beth Husnik    Al Wolovitch
Christine Jackson

Negative Cutter
Gary Burritt

Color Timer
Ted Brady

Preview Project Engineer
Lee Tucker

Post Production Services By
LaserPacific A KODAK Company

Camera Cranes and Dollies Provided By
J.L. Fisher &
Chapman / Leonard Studio Equipment, Inc.

Visual Effects Supervisor
Kent Johnson

Visual Effects By
Encore Hollywood
Stargate Digital, Inc.

Design and Animation
Brand New School

Down On My Knees
Take Me From Behind
Shoot Your Love All Over Me
Lollypop Love

Written by Asche & Spencer
Performed by Lisa Marie Purth

Color by

Filmed with
Cameras and Lenses


American Humane Association monitored the animal action.
No animal was harmed in the making of this film. (AHA 01565)

Approved No. 40909


Copyright © 2007 by Regency Entertainment (USA), Inc. in the U.S.
Copyright © 2007 by Monarchy Enterprises S.a.r.l. in the rest of the world.
All Rights Reserved.

Regency Entertainment (USA), Inc. and Monarchy Enterprises S.a.r.l.
are the authors of this motion picture for purposes of copyright and other laws.

REGENCY and Regency's "R" logo are registered trademarks of Monarchy Enterprises S.a.r.l.

The events, characters and firms depicted in this photoplay are fictitious.
Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or to actual events or firms is purely coincidental.


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