"This Perfect World" by Freedy Johnston

Not only was this soundtrack used on the hit comedy film Kingpin, but it stands out to me, personally, playing repeatedly during my time in college (2006-2010). What did I think? I don't know what to think, but let's just say the pressure got to me. College was also a time where I spent majority of my time finding myself—something I wished I did earlier back in high school instead.

"You ought to see your face
You ought to hear your voice
Last time I was here
I wouldn't turn around"

Starting off the song with what seems like a sense of reflection. Freddy Johnston could be talking about someone else in particular, telling them to re-introduce who they are for him. If Johnston was talking about the person listening, like myself for example, then it runs the same notion: I'm the person he may have remembered but forgotten. When he says "last time I was here, I wouldn't turn around," what I feel he says is that he was eager to leave. Whether it's myself, or someone else, Johnston is saying that he realizes the path and it's opposite to whom he recalled likely being with and/or growing up with.

"You ought to lock that door
Somebody might get in
Didn't I teach you like that?"

Seems like he's on his way out reminding the person, or perhaps myself, that I'm the only person in the room. For safety reasons, I "ought to lock that door." Notice the usage of "that" door? It's assumed that it's a one-door room, and since Johnston has left the area, or wants to, he reminds the person to "lock that door" he's going out of. Obviously, a door can't be locked without it being closed. Then, the mention of "teach you that" seems like a rhetoric. We've all grown up with the responsibility of closing and locking the door if someone we've invited in leaves, or if we leave the room ourselves (this obviously applies to the car we drive). All in all, Johnston has left the room and wants you to seal it shut—no explanation...until later.

"This perfect world
So blue I can't begin to say
This perfect world
I know I never should have gone away
But I still deserve to say goodbye
No matter what I've done"

The chorus features words of painful regret. "The damage has been done," as the saying goes. Johnston knew what he did to this person, or someone like myself, encouraging him to leave. It's easy for others to forgive and forget, while some remember the damage inflicted during their tenure. This applies to friendships, relationships and/or other deep and emotional connection(s) we have with someone else. What Johnston is saying that whatever happened, he couldn't re-build the bond he had with this person and knew that he doesn't belong anymore. Even though he could've taken the high ground and showed his hands, in other words, apologize and admit his faults, Johnston thinks that because of the happening(s), there is no place for him to be welcomed anymore. The last two lines are words of closure. Good or bad, a "goodbye" secures his decision to leave even though he wishes to get another chance to be accepted again, Johnston feels those odds are incredibly slim.

"I see her in your face
I hear her in your voice
Last time I was here
They found her in the lake"

This second verse now introduces a "her" in the conversation. Suddenly talking to someone, again, me, seeing the resemblance of a woman he recalled, Johnston notifies them/me that they "found her in the lake." Sounds like a murder mystery, doesn't it? Suddenly, this sounds like a woman Johnston has been in connection with, and in terms of "seeing her in your face," nobody resembles "her face" and "her voice" than an innocent child. It's looking like he's talking to a young child, in relation to "her" being founded in the lake. Sounds like a mother-daughter relationship.

If that's too morbid, we could say that the founding of "her in the lake" is an over-exaggeration that she completely left. When you're founded in the wilderness, you're perceived as someone wanting to venture "off the grid"—away from normal civilization. Perhaps, this woman Johnston has connections to was "founded in the lake," meaning she left and went gone for good. (The preposition "in" implies that her physical body was in the lake. Lakes aren't always a viable place to swim, so it's possible that something gruesome occurred to where investigations led to such founding.)

"You ought to see my scar
You think I'm made of stone
Didn't you tell me that?"

Scars, huh? Johnston has had something to do with the woman being founded in the lake. We don't know where the scars are inflicted on, but it could be his face, his arms and whatnot. On one side, Johnston may have had an awful argument with this woman, who may have retaliated, or he became the perpetrator. On the other side, the scars may been self-inflicted due to the leaving of the woman. Whether it was his own fault, or the woman's, Johnston is broken both mentally and physically. His mentioning of "being made of stone" represents petrification—a frozen stature to which he can hardly move, given all that's happened—akin to feeling and being "stunned." Johnston does not know how to react to such occurrence (something we've all felt as children, if we were held accountable for the wrongful actions we've done—that frozen feeling of being "made of stone").

It's no wonder he deserves to leave. Johnston doesn't want to explain, but he knew what he did or knew what had happened. The damage is beyond repair, and while he hopes the tides turn, it's becoming more and more unlikely. (All sounds depressing so far, but hey, we've all got to face whatever ramifications that follow our actions/decisions. Some learn their lessons faster and earlier than others, while some learn the hard way and much later in life. Nobody said Life is/was easy.)

Suddenly, a change in the chorus follows, and it goes:

"This perfect world
So blue I can't begin to say
This perfect world
They say that soon I will be [gone]/[going] away
But I still deserve to say goodbye
No matter what I've done"

Perhaps it's because I'm too empathetic for my own good, but when someone says "soon I will be gone/going away," it's a heartbreaking way to say goodbye. It's also a metaphoric way of saying, "one day, we'll all die," in response to the mistakes/damages Johnston has done. Saying that means that he pleads for some kind of forgiveness, which brings the question: How bad must a wrongdoing should be to where we eventually never forgive someone? If you or someone you know studies criminal psychology, you've likely heard of this question before. Assuming it wasn't a law-breaking infliction that Johnston did, then something happen that broke off his connection with this woman. Regardless, he deserves a gesture of closure but isn't sure if that opportunity comes with being forgiven even in the slightest. (It hurts when your apologies aren't accepted, no matter how sincere you come off as. Then again, nobody is perfect.)

"Now I've come around it's far too late
And these pills won't even let me cry
No one knows you even when you're gone
But I still deserve to say goodbye
No matter what I've done
No matter what I've done"

At this point of the song, it's almost a cry for help as well as a begging for acceptance. Johnston just wants this situation to end since he couldn't bare the pain of it all. The line "No one knows you even when you're gone" is letting the young child know that even when you move out, or pass away, not many people will recall you nor remember for what you contributed to their lives and this planet. That line also could be interpreted as a slap to his own face, knowing that because of the wrong-doing, Johnston won't be remembered. If you're wondering why, recall the last time you reminicsed about your own life: Did you ever treasure the bad times? Of course not. Those bad times were lessons to be learned, and to be tucked away and never forgotten in the case it may happen again down the line. Either way, that line, along with this entire verse, is acceptance and a bask of defeat. I don't blame him: When you know you've done something wrong, depending on the damage done, it'll be a long trek until some sort of apology would be offered. I mean, hey, it's not all a "bed of roses," as living this human life involves some sort of lessons to be learned. (In fact, as long as you learn from your suffering, it's not as bad as what others make it seem. Nevertheless, we all have to learn one way or another.)

Johnston has come around but knows it's too late. Again, anyone who has done something wrong has finally did some thinking, and everything has molded into fruition. The pills he mentioned, I believe, are some sort of medication. Psychologically, some people are out of touch with themselves and their emotions that even in the midst of drama, where they did wrong, the pills they take doesn't even trigger the mindset that helps them stave off the pain (in Child Psychology, tears are shed to replace a child's fear which explains why youngsters cry a lot especially when scolded).

"You ought to see your face
You ought to hear your voice
Lock this after me"

Talk about "closing time," and no last call for alcohol. Johnston said what he said, admitting to what he did and urges the person, in this case the young child, to lock the door after he walks out. Once again, a door isn't considered locked unless it's closed.

I've always perceived this track as a song of regret and defeat. The way the line "This perfect world..." says to me like "yay, there's a 'perfect' world out there is ready to get to see me"—a sarcastic expectation that given what happened, he's on his way to seeing the world he thought was so "perfect," he'd be forgiven in an instant. Instead, it's a harsh lesson and one that Johnston didn't take lightly (some life lessons learned are harder than others, but that's what happens when we're not receptive to our own reality and truth). Because this song was used in the comedy movie Kingpin, Roy Munsen goes back to his hometown seeing it's all rubble and run-down, much like his life. Munsen then decides to make his life better than what he's wanting, and thus, rebounds back from this supposed "defeat."

How does this song relate to me? College wasn't easy, and the transition from teen to young adulthood was also tough. I'm not sure if it was the people I surrounded myself with, our societal structure, or the city I live in, but I've never seen people who shame others for being themselves. As for me myself, I'm a big introvert, before it was considered "cool," and enjoy the hobbies I love, most of which are deemed as "nerdy/geeky." When I get excited, for example, over a video game I enjoy playing and talking about, there's nothing worse than hearing someone's response saying, "wow, that game sucks." Even if it does suck, what does it matter? Knowing those who ruin your excitement, or your day, are the worst kinds of people in human history. There were no shortage of people I knew, personally, who were like that. The fact that you could make someone feel bad about themselves just goes to show you how extremely insecure and unhappy they are. If I'm being honest, this was the main reason why I struggled socially and mentally growing up. I've always had a great relationship with my parents and my sister, but the people I went to school with, along with those I stupidly hung around with, really took a toll on me and I was never the same. Saying that, as I went to college, not only did I face a lot of academic pressure but since I had a lot of freedom, finding myself was a toughest thing I've ever done (sure, some people put it off, but I wanted to do so early on). Worse, I met a girl whom I thought I truly loved, only to have her manipulate me emotionally; I've mentioned about her briefly here on this website, as I'm sure she knows about it (a closet psychopath?). It was the most weight I've had to carry and deal with in all my years in college. Finding a job wasn't easy after I graduated, but I felt liberated from all the crap I dealt with, which affected my thinking, my studying, and my well-being overall. To sum it up, college was very much like high school 2.0. It was much better than high school, but I still faced a lot of misery and pain in terms of my studies and my connections with others.

Having said all that, this song was highly relatable given all the stuff I faced. Even worse, my days in college underwent a societal transition going from face-to-face interaction to online, digital media, where we now use internet to communicate with each other. It was the biggest change I've ever witnessed all of which affected our ability to express ourselves, and those whom we considered as friends due to the large influence of social media. I'm surprised not many people have talked about nor discussed this very much. Nevertheless, I was affected by this change, and it struck me in ways I never could be able to manage (LOTS of lessons learned and changes to adapt to, but here I am, aren't I?). I can recall the "scars" Johnston mentioned that he wanted the child to see. Many young kids today will never understand the agony of undergoing a societal transition that has, and will, affect everyone. I think we've all undergone this, thanks to the pandemic, which is a long discussion on its own.

I want to take the time to reach out to those who feel defeated, were never forgiven, and have been affected by someone's wrong-doing. It's bad knowing you're at fault, but give it time and accept the lesson(s) you had to learn. From my personal experience, it's better to learn your lesson(s) now than later. Anyone reading this must believe me. I've lost more friendships than I could count, and underwent a lot of stress and pain just for living my life and being myself. While I'm stuck on this planet for the rest of my life, I'm doing my very best, and I want you to do the same. People are inconsiderate and expect too much out of someone nowadays, let alone demand answers to questions you don't have. The bullying and mistreatment from others has gotten so severe, many young teenagers and kids are struggling to cope, and given all the injustices occurring among our communities and the political landscapes, it has made matters worse. To top it all off, us adults aren't behaving and dealing with the struggles in a proper, professional manner. I'll say it: We are an embarrassment to the younger generations, along with the future ones who'll someday look back at our behaviors which can easily be traced thanks to internet archival.

Please find middle ground, and never get pressured by others for who you are, the decisions you make and/or your personal views and beliefs. You are who you are, and to think that others make you feel bad about yourself makes them the worst person to ever be around with. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. Even if there were, you know how to cope and manage, but other than that, being yourself shouldn't be a crime (it isn't). If others are making you feel bad, detach from them. Life is better lived when you're able to be who you are. Personally, I recommend keeping in touch with nature, studying and embracing it. Why? Think about it: Mother Nature is always accepting, and never discriminates nor shames anyone for who and what they are. I don't see trees or mountains doing that, so why not embrace Mother Nature for what She has to offer? Doing this makes you feel more accepted and happy, as we all just want to be loved. Go outside and embrace Mother Nature, as She's always available and welcome for you to see.

What is your interpretation(s) of the song? Tell us in the comments below!

Kris Caballero

Founder of KCU Network and KCU Plus, Kris has been writing since he started blogging in late 2005. Currently self-publishing, from essays to poems, Kris enjoys reading and self-studying mathematics, quantum computing, and philosophy; he also enjoys old video/MS-DOS games, writing/journaling, numerology, digital video archiving, listening to sports/public radio and classical music. Earned his BA of Mathematics degree in 2025.

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